Bonnie Sweeten, the mom from Pennsylvania who called 911 claiming she and her 9-year-old daughter had been abducted, is a big faker. What disturbs me the most about this situation is that while we live in the age of crime procedurals, an average American can’t avoid such rookie mistakes as emptying out her own bank accounts the day of her disappearance and placing easily traceable cell phone calls from the wrong location. If you’re going to fake your own kidnapping, do us all a favor and watch a few episodes of Without a Trace before getting started. [ABC News]

Despite continuing negotiations about the specifics, GM is going bankrupt. For some reason, its shares—which will soon be worthless, if I understand anything, which I’m not necessarily saying I do—are trading at around a whole dollar (which might also soon be worthless). [Reuters]

Over 30 million Xbox 360 consoles have been sold worldwide. Isn’t it comforting that even in a recession people can find hope simply by talking shit to 12-year-olds and maniacally attacking strangers with magic weapons? [TG Daily]

I know you’re all in the eye-rolling stage of the swine flu panic, but in the movies that is what happens just before the mysterious bug comes back meaner and faster to kill us all. Australia knows what’s up, that’s why they just quarantined a cruise ship and ordered 10 million doses of the vaccine. [Brisbane Times]

Kim Jong Il is having one of his freak outs. Hillary Clinton is giving North Korea a stern public talking-to, and Obama asked Biden to bring out the yellow booster seat and put it in the corner to use as a Time-Out Chair. [CNN]