The other day I misspelled "goes" as "gos" and thought to myself: Wow, I am dumb! Then I saw this guy:

This guy misspelled "in." See the rest here, it really is good for one half hour+ of laffs. [Teabonics]

International Transgender Day Of Visibility Is Invisible On The Interwebs

Hey, you! International community of trained professionals dedicated to writing about thingies that go on: How about writing stories about this instead of this? Don't you know that LL Cool J Sarah Palin is out? Ah, fuck it, just go read Meghan McCain's twitter; she posed for the "Dont' H8 On Us You H8ers, H8 Sux And It's The Worst, Boo H8" campaign," so she should pretty much have this covered.

Texas Board Of Ed Approves Measure To Kick American Education System When It's Down

The Texas State Board of Education has voted 10-5 in favor of humiliating America in front of the rest of the world. In support of this larger initiative, they have made the following updates to their curriculum:

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Obama's Secret Plan To Abort Senior Citizens

While McCain is focusing on his personal conspiracy to fatten Americans for the purpose of eating them, Obama is pouring all of his energy into aborting old people. According to this one bumper sticker, Obama already aborted all the babies while you were busy playing your XBox. So, it may be too late to win that fight, but you can still affix this sticker to your car in time to save Grandma before she "gets run over by a reindeer" with only Nancy Pelosi and Joe Biden as witnesses.

If you need convincing, head over to Take A Stand Bumper Stickers and immerse yourself in some dude's background story about why he wants to impeach Obama:

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Bad News For Earth: Some People Actually Like Dick Cheney

At the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), everyone agrees that Dick Cheney is a GOD. It's one thing to get a little sentimental about Bush who was more stupid than evil, but Cheney's maleficence is one of the more well-documented evils of our time. Have conservatives really forgotten that this man was one of the main inspirations for hatred and mockery of the Republican party? Will they get behind anything with a famous name and a boner for Reagan? Or do they just miss torture? [USA Today]

College Is So Gay

It turns out that if you send young people to a place where all of the authority figures share one viewpoint, they will become brainwashed. (Glass houses, Fox News.) So instead of going to college, just watch this informational video, which explains how zero percent of college graduates can name our current president, but one hundred percent of them know they love him because he's a communist tribal king who loves butt sex and will turn all American children into gay marriage.

I think Julie P. (thanks for the link!) says it best: 

#headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm

Barack Obama Is A Racist For Not Ending Racism

 

Obama is so 2008. The most pressing evidence: Yesterday, a Republican porn star was elected to Ted Kennedy’s old Senate seat, meaning a longstanding blue position is now held by someone who prefers waterboarding to clean water. This election obviously confirms that the whole country is back to hating Democrats, for failing at basically everything, which they will continue to do now that Massachusetts voters have screwed up their 60-person majority. Also, Obama failed to cure racism! Wait, what?

The most shocking new polls EVER show that before the election, almost 60 percent of Americans believed it was possible for one man to reverse hundreds of years of ingrained, violently complex race relations and bring about complete harmony.  Currently, however, only 40 percent of Americans are so dumb.  

I hate to state the obvi, but apparently it needs to be spelled out: Barack Obama is only half black; therefore, he could only be reasonably expected to solve 50% of race-related issues. Also, Harry Reid invented racism so it's only fair that he is the one to fix it.

[WaPo]

OMG Surprise: Bill O'Reilly Hates Law & Order

 

Everyone who knows me knows that Law & Order: SVU is the best show on the planet, without question. So why does Bill O'Reilly hate this masterful teevee program? Well, to be fair, they hated him first: They called him cancer! Here, let's see what all the fuss is about:

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