Liveblogging the State of the Crappy Union, 2012 Ed.

Well, the United States of America still exists, for now! I was going to plan my intro paragraph during a long, hot shower but the hot water isn't working. In this scenario one might call a maintenance man, or one might boil water on the stove and bathe herself in the kitchen sink like a giant baby. You can guess which option I chose, so I pretty much spent all my brainpower on not dying naked and alone in my kitchen. Anyway! Let's jump right in.

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Someone Who Isn't Barack Obama Previews New Old Strategy With Unremarkable Video

If you love to be bored, watch this movie about Barry's brand new!!!! 2012 Strategy, which hinges on the youth who love him for his sexy Facebook page, as well as constantly "maysuring" progress and reevaluating the Strategy. Also, it is the same as his last strategy:

1. Expand the electorate
2. Build something new
3. Grow the grassroots in the states
4. Measure our progress
5. Work for every vote

My least favorite is #5. What kind of asinine recommendation is that? Here are five alternative #5's, any of which would be more valuable advice:

5. Keep the bombing to a minimum
5. Go back to giving good speeches
5. Accidentally leave your microphone on more often
5. Let the paparazzi photograph you with your shirt off
5. Stay hydrated

No, you're right, probably better to just "shut your mouths" for another half a year while various GOP clowns do pretty much whatever the fuck with unions, the budget, basic human services, etc.

Oh well, at least they are sort of trying? And even though it is actually nothing new, that's okay because as you say, guy who isn't a very exciting vlogger, 2008 was "so special." Because of the "grass roots," which exist only as an organizing concept, having nothing to do with specific people or issues. Anyway, this all sounds pretty good, I'M IN!

Obama Loves Global Warming More Than Jobs

Jesus, an avid fisher, believes in each state's right to kill as many fish as they want.

Watch out--your fishing rights are in danger: 'Racky is planning a federal takeover of every last puddle in this damn country. He is trying to establish nine regional "planning bodies" that would seek to establish coordination between feds, locals, and injuns (who are not even real Americans) so they could strategize and stuffs about how to save the fishies from extinction. Luckily, RedState sees right through this charade:

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