Sen. Joe Lieberman (Conn.) on the Senate floor. At the full moon, he shapeshifts into a crying baby.You know that feeling you get when someone says "I just wanna be with you," and you realize later that what they really meant was "I'm drunk, and I have no interest in dating you long-term, but I'd really like to continue sleeping with you and accepting your emotional validation until I find someone who I really want to commit to and/or you have nothing left to give. Oh, and pick up some cigs on the way over?" And you're like, "Well, I probably should have figured that out sooner." It's the same duh feeling you had when you found out balloon boy was a hoax. Well, that's how I'm feeling about the uproar over this whole 'Joe Lieberman shocks everyone by being a douchebag about the public option' business. CLICK TO READ MORE...

Click to read more ...

If you're new to the fake State of the Union coverage, start here at the beginning. The rest of you, let's wrap this thing up so we can go apply for unemployment on our way to camp out for the bread line with the real hobos, who don't even HAVE the Internet. To summarize, for the stoners: Eh, a little of this, a little of that, NOBODY MESSES WITH JOE BIDEN, issues, things, soldiers, DVR cutout. Continue the excitement, after the jump!

Click to read more ...

So here's the deal: I had to take a test during the Big Speech. It was online, because we live in the information age, which was nice, but it was still inconvenient and it made me a little grumpy. Anyway, I used a special machine from the future to capture and recreate the moving images and sound and duplicate them at my leisure, thereby recreating the experience as if I had actually watched the speech live. As a direct result of this technology, incredibly, I am able to fake live-blog the speech.

What will Captain Obama say at the pep rally? Let's find out, plus let's find out other stuff that we really care about: Will the Republicans participate in the wave? Will Joe Biden glide into the House chamber on a magnetic rail system? Will Roland Burris be allowed in, or will he have to pay, or will he get dragged out in handcuffs shouting "It wasn't me! It was the greasy-haired governor! DAMN YOU AND YOUR FILTHY TAINT, BLAGO!"? The fun begins, after the jump!

Click to read more ...