Reading Rove: Why Obama's "Summit" Sux Eggs

Today is the day of all days! It’s the day of Obama’s promised bipartisan healthcare summit. Or, as my boyfriend, Karl Rove calls it, his “summit,” (Quotes are Rovey’s) (Otherwise that wouldn’t really make sense), because we all know that Obama is only holding this event so he can tell more LIES on national teevee. See:

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STDs, Murder, Diamonds: The World According To Fox

Okay, so I have mono, which is usually reserved for horny teenagers who sneak out to neck with each other at Makeout Point or whatever the kids are doing these days to earn those sex bracelets. But even though I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to write this post, I know that there's some relatively noteworthy shit going on that could at least vaguely be related to politics as a general category. For example, there were elections today, elections that will finally tell us whether electing that Muslim fellow was a giant mistake, as purported by this super clever acrostic poem-style bumper sticker: 

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Georgia Congressman Asks Obama to Make 2010 "Year of the Bible"

I lived in Atlanta for seven months, during which time there was a terrible drought. Being a filthy lib, I just survived off the blood of babies and the liquor supply of my next door neighbor, Emily Rose (that’s another story for another day). For everyone else, the governor held a giant prayer thingy to ask God to make it rain, only not like in rap songs when “rain” means money (actually I think it’s a euphemism for ejaculate, but that’s neither here nor there). It didn’t really work, but Georgia politicians never fail to delight and entertain with their continued insistence on inserting God into literally everything.

Take Congressman Paul Broun (R, Duh). He wants President Obama to declare 2010 the “Year of the Bible,” like, officially. He wants Americans to “rediscover” the Bible because, you know, all the godlessness, etc. When asked the obvious question, “Why are you doing this?” Brown responds:

“Well, it’s all about freedom actually. The Bible was the basis of our laws, it was the basis of the Constitution of the United States, the Declaration of Independence; the Bible was the founding source. In fact, our founding fathers quoted the Bible more than any other resource when they established this country. We’ve forgotten that we need to go back to those principles... that the bible teaches, of things such as personal responsibility, accountability, and freedom.”

First of all, I’m pretty sure they teach you way back in elementary school about a little thingy called the Magna Carta; which granted citizens certain rights for King John to take away. Sound familiar?

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Cheat Sheet: Zimbabwe

In case you missed the part where, on Friday, the Zimbabwean government was handing out Z$100 million bills (that would be “Zim-dollars”), or the part yesterday when they were handing out new Z$200 million bills, you should probably know that Zimbabwe is totally fucked right now. Their currency is halving pretty much constantly, and now they are having a major cholera outbreak that could affect 60,000 and is already spreading to other countries. Let’s try to get a fix on the dire situation, after the jump...MORE

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