News Flash! To the fine folks out there who masturbate to Glenn Beck: He's JK! That's robot speak for "just kidding!" As in: "Even though I spew mouth diarrhea and millions of people hold up gramatically ironic signs supporting my inane rants because they think it means something, I'm just kidding! I have no clue about politics, even." No harm, right? [Think Progress]

Mitt Romney To Release Shocking Tell All About America's Greatness

Remember when Mitt Romney was running for president, and at first everyone was all, “My, what shiny hair that man has.” But then American listened to what Mitt Romney had to say, which wasn’t very much, and decided he was just whatevs. And Mitt said: “But I’m so rich!” Then someone told him that an election and an auction aren’t actually the same, so he quit. After losing the veep slot to an insane person from Alaska it was hoped by many that Romney would sort of just go away forever.

But nope. He’s back. With a book! Mittens recently sat down with Sean Hannity to discuss his forthcoming contribution to the literary world. Summary:

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College Is So Gay

It turns out that if you send young people to a place where all of the authority figures share one viewpoint, they will become brainwashed. (Glass houses, Fox News.) So instead of going to college, just watch this informational video, which explains how zero percent of college graduates can name our current president, but one hundred percent of them know they love him because he's a communist tribal king who loves butt sex and will turn all American children into gay marriage.

I think Julie P. (thanks for the link!) says it best: 

#headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm #headdesk #facepalm

Sarah Palin On Fox News!1!! ZOMG!!1!!

Remember when I said the end of overdraft fees was the best news ever? I was wrong. The best news ever is that Fox News has taken on none other than my best friend in the whole world, Sarah Palin, as a "contributor." Finally, they're putting someone with some sense on that channel. [ABC]

OMG Surprise: Bill O'Reilly Hates Law & Order

 

Everyone who knows me knows that Law & Order: SVU is the best show on the planet, without question. So why does Bill O'Reilly hate this masterful teevee program? Well, to be fair, they hated him first: They called him cancer! Here, let's see what all the fuss is about:

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STDs, Murder, Diamonds: The World According To Fox

Okay, so I have mono, which is usually reserved for horny teenagers who sneak out to neck with each other at Makeout Point or whatever the kids are doing these days to earn those sex bracelets. But even though I can barely keep my eyes open long enough to write this post, I know that there's some relatively noteworthy shit going on that could at least vaguely be related to politics as a general category. For example, there were elections today, elections that will finally tell us whether electing that Muslim fellow was a giant mistake, as purported by this super clever acrostic poem-style bumper sticker: 

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Hayley's Comment Goes To Grad School

My ex-roomie's new "pad"

Okay kiddos, here’s what’s up:

Item Number Uno: Apologies for lack of fantastic bloggings lately. To make a long story short, I almost got evicted because my roommate was unbalanced and consistently doping herself euphoric with tons of adderall, then coming down, numbing herself to the concepts of “rent” and “basic human kindness,” and frankly it made me in to a crabby hermit. Oopsies!

Anyway, another thing that has been going on is that grad school has been kicking my ass. So in an effort to maintain both Hayley’s Comment and my academic career, the next month is going to be a little different. Don’t worry, I’m still going to be raging against the machine; specifically, the teevee. I am conducting a small research project about cable news and the ways in which certain shows or personalities imply or construct certain realities that we often take for granted.

So in the next few weeks, you can look forward to lots of clips with commentary. Sometimes it might be a little more academic than what I usually post, but I think for those of you with a vested interest in hating Fox News, it will still be fun! Arriba!