Hokay, So. Last night was basically Obama’s prom: He gave a rousing speech on healthcare, and I missed it because I had to prevent one roommate from calling the cops on another in order to avoid having to move my stash. So I fake live-blogged it because I figured there is no better way to reclaim my throne as the best blogger EVER on this site. Check out ma shit, then leave your responses to the speech in the comments.

You remember how it works? Is it all coming back, all coming back to you now? Were there moments of gold and then flashes of light? Were there things you’d never do again but then they’d always seem right? Were there nights of endless pleasure, was it more than any laws allow? If you are humming a haunting tune and picturing Celine Dion watching her dead lover ride his motorcycle through a castle, you win! To claim your prize, contact the RNC and tell them you’ve won a public option. AFTER you read more, following the jump...

Click to read more ...

Barack Obama is sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. Also pictured: Chief Justice John Roberts, Dick Cheney

Finally, Barack Obama gets to go sleep in the White House with his adorable family and that new puppy, and see what all the fuss is about! Now that's a slumber party we can believe in. Anyway, as of RIGHT NOW George W. Bush is no longer the appointed elected leader of the free world. But before he slithers back to Texas to open a library and trim brush, he has to stick around and watch the entire world bow to their new Hawaiian tribal king, Barack "Spread the Wealth" Obama." Let's watch and see how the newbie handles his Big Day! READ MORE...

Click to read more ...